The Fine Art Of Listening
By Ron Stubbs
One of the greatest gifts ever bestowed on mankind by God, Spirit, Wakan Tanka, The Great Mystery, Father Sun, Allah, Buddha, or whatever name you chose to put on your higher belief, is the gift of hearing. Sound, auditory stimulus, whether by music, Mother Nature's sounds, everyday speech or the words of a loved one, hearing is a wonderful thing. But that is not what this article is about at all.I want to write about the great, the powerful, the mysterious thing that is called Listening. And how we sometimes forget it. How we sometime get so busy that we don't listen to our children or those we say we love. And least of which, which we tend to think as not important at all, listening to those we don't love. But we should.
As a force in nature, listening is a magnetic and strange creature, a creative force that begs to be acknowledged. For a moment, think about the people in your life that you have been attracted to or made an impact on you…chances are these were the same people who didn't share the vast knowledge of life they had acquired or perhaps thought they were being gracious enough to bestow upon you the gift of their worldly advice, regaling you with tall tales of their life experiences or even offering you insights into your personality that they deem unworthy so that you could be more like them…perfect. These were the people who gave you one small, seemly insignificant yet hugely precious gift. Their time and their ability to listen without judgment.
The friends that really listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to spend time with them, sitting in their "Sun rays", feeling their warmth. They make us feel good, comfortable and secure. We can tell them our thoughts, dreams, hopes, shed our tears and share our fears, all without fear of criticism or judgment.
The reason: When we are listened to, it creates US, makes US unfold and expand. Ideas have a place to be planted, germinate, grow within us and come to life. You know how if a person laughs at your stories you become funnier, more animated, and if they don't, every little joke,every little story, every tiny speck of humor inside you weakens up and dies. Well, that at least is the principle of it. When you "listen" to another's words, then turn those words around to "hear" them in a different context, you aren't "Listening" but rather "Interpreting" what they are saying, and shutting out what they really mean. Putting your own meaning on their thoughts. It makes people happy to be listened to. And as a benefit, if you are a good listener, it becomes the secret of having a good time in society, (because everyone around you becomes lively and interesting), of comforting people, of doing them good, of truly learning what and how your fellow man views the world.
Notice who for example, do you go to for advice? Probably not the hard, critical, practical people who tend to tell you exactly what to do; but to the listeners, the kindest, non-censoring, non-judgmental people you know. It is because of your heartfelt outpouring of these emotions, trials/tribulations and problems to them, AND their non-judgment, that we become aware of what to do about it ourselves. We can all be our own best advisors if we have some that is willing to give us a sounding board to express our views and make our own decisions about what to do with them.
There are brilliant people in this wide world that are truly fascinating. They can talk, give lectures, speeches, expressing their heartfelt emotions and entertain us for hours with their witty conversation. They can also bore us to tears and exhaust us. Why? Because they never listen. But why does this not listening exhaust us?
People that don't give us a chance, an opportunity to share and express ourselves, to be US , put out our creative flame, our spark. It is this spark, this spirit, this intelligence, this creative fountain within us all, this imagination, whatever name you chose to put upon it that drives us, that makes us whole. Makes us, US.
When all have a tendency to get overtired, strained, overstressed, over stimulated, have no solitude, get too busy, talk to too many people, overextending ourselves so that this fountain, this creative spark gets muddied and dim, covered with debris from life. The result is we stop living from the center, living from the spark, the fountain with us and start living from the outside, the external. That is, we go along, day to day, going through the motions without imagination.
Maybe by not giving us a chance to talk, not letting us express our innermost thoughts and desires and expand ourselves we begin to "dry up" inside…we don't allow new ideas and thoughts to spring up, we suppress unexpected things within ourselves, like spontaneous laughter, silliness and wisdom. Maybe that is why, when someone has truly listened to you, really been INSIDE you, listened with fascinated attention, you feel better, lighter, more at peace with everything around you.
Maybe instead of thinking, "I must be lively, witty, entertaining when I go to a party or when meeting someone", just allow yourself to truly listen, to be in their shoes when they talk, to experience life from someone ELSE'S point of view instead of expressing your own, pressing your mind against theirs, sharing YOUR point of view. Listen without judgment or advice. Allow the person talking to show their soul to you. They may be a little taken back and unsure that it is possible because very few people, if anyone in their lives ever take the time to listen.
After all, listening IS a fine art.
So be a great artist.
Now…go paint your masterpiece.